Support

So this whole exercising and trying to get fit thing kinda sucks....it sucks even more when the people around you are not very encouraging in trying to help you feel confident and motivated in doing what you want to to to continue on this fucking up hill journey that is a healthy lifestyle and weight loss. Now as much as I love my grandmother, she can be the most sceptical and un encouraging person. Now as I posted previously, I like to work out by myself in private, I get myself all pumped up and enthused about my workout from the day before and plan when exactly I will be doing it (which is generally when no one is around) and I do it and I sweat and I feel great, and I cool down and shower and look like I did ntn by the time anyone else sees me. that is how i operate. Fuck being discourage, and scepticism, I will do this my way and I will reach my goal....cause I for once am not not doing this for anyone else but myself, cause I am not going to be defeated...not this way.

Competition

So I think I have finally gotten into this working out thing. My problem is right now that what I am enjoying won't be sustainable once I am no longer in mobay. The Main thing I have been finding is that I need to find what works for me in terms of exercising, and I ahve really been enjoying swimming and uwing the eliptycal, but whatr i find is most important is that I don't like to people to be around if it is something I am doing by myself. I like my privacy. And I hope I can maintain it. My goal is 165-170, and I would like to add some muscle on there (not too much, but a nice holistic, well toned figure) And I am keen on getting there. I won't stop...not this time...my health is riding on it...and so is my self esteem...I am done being the fat one.

To Be continued

So this is my first post....and I am not entirely sure I will share this with anyone, but I feel I need a form of catharsis for all the shit that I have been going through. Lets list the obvious things right now, I'm 26 yrs old, 27 in December, currently I am completing my masters in tourism with project management. I'm gay, HIV +, and what I have finally accepted....fat. The funny thing about my particular weight conundrum is that I wasn't always fat. I was a skinny thing, and i never paid any attention to when people would say I would gain weight. I mean I was always thin, and my sister was always overweight. I know that is a mean thing to say but it is just a fact, I never pitied her, or forced anything on her, I just embraced her. About 5 years ago I started to gain weight and over a 3 yr period i went from 150lbs to 215 lbs. Currently I am at 201-205lbs, depending on my diet. Now the thing is I know that I have always had self esteem issue, even when I was younger and slimmer. So I guess this blog is about trying to reassert my own positivity during my battle for the bulge. The aim of this blog is to no longer be "the fat on" amongst my friends. I'm tired of it, this isn't who I am, but it will serve as the journey for who I am meant to be. My life isn't just starting and neither are these thoughts that is why this title is to be continued. Cause my story is not over yet. Till Next Time.